I Wish I Were Gwyenth

Dear Gwyenth,

You are one lucky woman. Not only is your husband a cutie-patutie, but he puts on one heck of a concert! And the rest of the band, not so bad either. Thank you for sharing him with the rest of Salt Lake City. It was much appreciated.

Love,

Jen

And So the Story Goes

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, there lived two beautiful little princesses. (Ask any Sunday School teacher about these two little princesses, and the phrase "devil's children" might come into play.) These two little princesses, like any other girls at the time, had a small crush on a boy band called "NKOTB." Posters on the wall, pillowcases to lie their pretty little heads on, T-shirts galore...and a concert. With some batting of the eyes and only a little bit of whining, the two princesses were able to convince their parents that a trip to the New Kids on the Block concert was just the thing.

September 1, 1990

Princess Jen and Princess Des(Pardon the picture quality...this was long before digital cameras.)

"You've got the right stuff, baby."

Fast forward 18 years...one little princess is happily married to her prince while the other little princess watches The Today Show every morning while she gets ready for work. It was a lovely summer morning in 2008. The sun was cresting the eastern mountains when suddenly the little princess (we'll just call her Jen) heard Matt Lauer say something about a big announcement. Princess Jen was intrigued hear what the big announcement was...NKOTB had been reuninted! Could it be? Were her eyes deceiving her? Could her past loves be back in her life? It was true! There they were dancing and singing just like the old days. Princess Jen knew what had to happen next.

November 15, 2008

The little princesses at it again.

They've still got the right stuff.

Hangin' tough after all of these years.

I'll definitely be loving you forever.

Same princesses (only much cuter now), same boy band (only older and wiser), same songs, same dance moves. Truly, it was a "Night to Remember, Part 2."

The princesses danced, the princesses sang, the princesses re-lived their childhood. And then, happily, the little princesses left the arena, went back to their homes, and lived happily ever after.

Thank you Jordan, Jonathan, Donnie (still hot!), Joey (even hotter!), and Danny for completing our fairy tale.

THE END.

My Online Dating Profile

Some friends have recently decided that I need to try online dating. Not sure how I feel about this, but you know, I'm open to anything. Because I can't write about myself, SuperDaysh wrote my profile. What do you all think? (Note: Please read with a hint of sarcasm. It's meant to be a joke. I do not, repeat do not, own any cats.)

All about me:
To get started, the most important thing you need to know is that I’m cute, cuddly, drive a fantastic car and love all animals - I’m actually a bit of a pet lover. I have 12 cats, 2 birds and an adorable little shitsu puppy (but am not to be confused with a “crazy cat lady” because I have birds and a dog too!). They are all my best friends. We hang out all the time, watch chick flicks, eat ice cream and sometimes watch the sun come up together.

I’m incredibly smart, but don’t be turned off by that- I have the ditzy blonde routine down and will use it whenever necessary to make you feel better about yourself. Although I have my Bachelor’s degree (in MRS) and my Masters degree- don’t let that overwhelm or make you feel small and insignificant. I appreciate all people, with all variations of an education- all that matters is that that “spark” is there- and if it’s there- you can be the McDonalds manager for all I care.

Although my pets, my education and my cute car are wonderful, it was just recently that I felt something might be missing- that there might be more to life than just having incredibly dressed, adorable pets (my cats all wear the cutest, most fashionable clothes, of course) being really smart and driving a great car. That is why I’m here. Here to meet Mr. Right...quite literally. I’m pretty open to anyone, but if you’re last name happens to be “Right”, you get more brownie points (see points system below-Basically, the most points win.)

All in all, I’m just a normal, incredibly smart, pet loving person here to find true love and find true love’s first kiss. If you are interested, you may submit your resume and application to the address listed below (click link below to download the application). Can’t wait to hear from you!

Brownie Points System
Blonde hair 1 pt
Brunette 2 pt
Dark and handsome 10 pt
Under 5’5” -1 pt
Over 5’5” 3 pt
Have 2 or less pets 1 pt
Have more than 2 pets 10 pt
Have a cute car 10 pt
Last name “Right” 10 pt
Any other last name 5 pt
Rich 15 pt
Not rich 1 pt

For a better break down of points, please ask for a list with your application submission.