Universal Truths

I have no idea who left this on my desk and I have no idea who wrote it, but it had me rolling!

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if thtey told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run!

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lite than Kay.

15. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

16. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

17. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

18. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you didn't hear or understand a word they said?

21. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.

32. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

33. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

34. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.